Um, what?

The big NBA party starts tonight at midnight, and supposedly there's a decent chance we're getting Jason Kidd. All we have to offer, I would assume, is the mid-level exception. Considering the rumor that Dallas offered 3 years for 8 million each, and the fact that we aren't exactly a title contender, I don't see why Kidd would want to come to the Knicks. The only reasons are our main selling points, the fact that we're New York and have The Garden as our home court, and have D'Antoni and his most fun style ever coaching.

Be that as it may, I'm not a tremendous fan of this news. There are some obvious pros to this move. 1. He immediately becomes our best point guard. 2. He'll make everyone better, both with his on the court play and his off the court leadership. I would hope. 3. A lineup of Kidd-Hughes-Chandler-Gallo-Lee with Nate/the rookies/Wilcox/Darko coming off the bench is probably good enough to sneak into the playoffs.

Now the cons. Numbers are more fun than letters so the cons list gets lettters. A) He's old and slow and his defense is therefore terrible. B) Is it better for us to get Kidd and hope for a 7 seed? Or should we see what happens with Phoenix and Nash, or stay with Duhon and see what the Ghostface Killah can give us and build a better foundation for the future?

Our whole plan since DW/D'Antoni came to town was to gear up everything to the 2010 offseason. So if we sign Kidd for 1 year, then that plan is still in place. If we sign him to a multi-year deal, and don't somehow get rid of the Curry/Jeffries contracts, then our cap room for that offseason continues to go down. The chances of LeBron leaving Cleveland are slim enough as it is, but maybe the thought process would be that LeBron has always wanted to play with Kidd so he'll do whatever it takes to do so. I don't know. Plus we have to deal with D-Lee and Nate. It's gonna be a very interesting couple of weeks here in Knicksland.

All I know is you want your point guard to be a great decision maker. Therefore the picture below is troubling:

Giant Beam 1, Bret Michaels 0

Hilarious. And is that a dude dressed like a chick at the end? I don't get the Tony's but whatever floats their boat.

David who?!

You really learn something new every day. Turns out noted steroid cheat (well maybe not proven beyond a shadow of a doubt but come on, a friend of Angel Presinal is overwhelmingly likely a friend of needles) David "Big Pop-Up" Ortiz is not the man we thought he was. That's right, his name is really David Americo Ortiz Arias, and that has been confirmed by the fine folks at Wikipedia.

Very interested in why he decided to chop off the Arias and go with just Ortiz. Didn't sound Hispanic enough? Some father's name/mother's name stuff?

Either way, clearly I'm gonna be calling him Arias from now on and I encourage you all to do so too.

Twitter

So here's the deal, now on the top-right you got my Twitter link. Turns out I'm not really a blogger, more of a Twitterer. My main problem with blogging has always been that there's just too much forced words. If I'm watching/doing/listening whatever, in all likelihood there are other people around who I'm going to say my thoughts to, and then I'm going to have to go blog what I already said 5 times? Except for some rare examples, almost everything on this blog has been said to actual people many times before I typed it, and for the most part those are the people reading this thing, and therefore getting double doses of 95% of the stuff.

But Twitter, oh baby Twitter. That's just a whole different ballgame. Random thoughts as they happen along with the added challenge of keeping things under 140 characters, the way it can be used instead of mass-texting, the fact that it's easier to do on my 'Berry than blogging is. Not saying I'm not gonna blog anymore, but Twitter>Blogging, and it's not even close.

All Hail

5th player all-time with 2,600 hits, 200 HRs and 1000 RBI in his 1st 15 seasons.

First right-handed batter since 1930 with a .310 BA, 2,500 hits and 1,500 runs scored.

A 16-game hitting streak including a 7-game multihit streak.

I really have nothing more to add. All hail The Captain. The team is rolling right now, the swagger is back boys and girls. We're the best team in the world, try to beat us at your own risk.

Oh, and if you want to keep throwing at Teix, no biggie, AJ will just fire a fastball at Cruz's head.

RELAPSE Part 2

And we're back.

6. Hello
Shady, but not really crazy Shady. No real favorite lines, this song is just okay, maybe after a few listens I'll like it more. For now it gets a 5. The catchy tune will help its case in the future. Leads into...

7. Tonya (skit)
Not exactly sure who Tonya is. Unless she's the girl he wanted to say Hello to? I don't know, moving on.

8. Same Song & Dance
Shady. Okay, now the skit makes more sense, as she's just some random chick he carjacked apparently. Which reminds him of when he stalked/kidnapped/raped Lindsay Lohan and then the rebbetzin? The pills are starting to take affect on him, which I guess is the point of the CD.
"She played the little school girl when she first burst up on the scene and it seemed that the world was hers, she twirls and turns and flirts in skirts so bad it hurts", and "I'll share my valium with you cause I'm feeling you Britney" "ever since the school girl juvenile delinquent I've been feeling you". The Britney factor raises it from like a 4 to a 7.

9. We Made You.
Shady. This song has been a little overrated by the "mainstream" because since for most people the fact he mentions celebrities means it must be an awesome song, even if a lot of the jokes are the same ones he's made before just the names have changed. Let's see if my mind has changed on that.
I'm gonna stay on my high horse for this one, sure there are some decent celebrity digs, a nice Britney mention, and it's a catchy little jingle, but this is clearly a song just to get radio airplay, not that there's anything wrong with that, he needs to pay the bills. His albums always tell a story, so far it's been about his dealing with his addictions, his history coming back to haunt and influence him. Then all of the sudden we get the poppy celebrity song. It's a little out of place, and was mainly made to drum up interest from Z100, girls, and nontraditional males.
With all that said, I give it a 6. If anyone else sang it and there was no Britney mention this would easily be a 2. Just like Samantha Ronson. (See what I did there? Like I said, some decent digs.)

10. Medicine Ball
Shady again (noticing a trend, I'm not even gonna bother with that part of the review anymore unless Eminem shows up).
Now this song has better celebrity digs than We Made You, fits better with the album, but wouldn't work too well with the target market We Made You does. Naturally it's a much much much much (one more? I think so) much better song than We Made You. To the lines!
"I guess it's time for you to hate me again, let's begin now hand me the pen, how should I begin it and where does it all end" "I won't rape all the Pussycat Dolls, Nicole you kidding?" "I'll pee on Rihanna see man I do what I wanna, spray perfume in the sauna room crazy gluin Madonna to the Lazy Boy sofa, fold her in two then sit on her, imagine the visual for that man, who would thought I could ever be such a relentless prick unleashing the vengeance but the chick's so old she looks like she out-lived a life sentence" and an awesome line about his lyrical history with Christopher Reeves, "now everybody's pissesd at me like it's my fault his name rhymes with so many different words geez, so one last time" and finally, speaking in Christopher Reeve's robot voice with random inhalations "Eminem I'm coming to kill you, I've always hated you and I still do, you'll never fill my shoes, my Superman costume". This song gets an 8.

11. Paul (skit)
Awesome. Might be my favorite Paul voicemail ever.

Break time. Be back later or tonight with the rest.

RELAPSE!

Oh baby, here we go. Apparently Best Buy is retarded and therefore didn't have the deluxe edition so I had to settle for regular, but the other 2 songs are being downloaded as I type. Also we're gonna keep this PG-13 for all the kids out there. With that said, let the review begin.

First of all, great job on the cover, with the face made out of pills and the label looking like a prescription. Supposedly he's off the pills and is now addicted to Hey Arnold! (forgot where I read this but supposedly he's obsessed with the show now, only good things can come from this, maybe a collaboration with Jerald and Helga G. Pataki). Also, the lyrics are actually printed, well at least most of them, about time Eminem did that. Also a nice touch how all his pills have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor (Dr. Dre of course).

1. The CD starts with a skit called Dr. West. Supposedly, and it does sound like him, this character is played by Dominic West. Yes, that Dominic West. The great Jimmy McNulty from the Wire, who plays some f'd up doctor voice in Em's head telling him there's no big deal if he drinks/pops pills. Which leads into

2. 3AM.
Eminem (Lose Yourself, Till I Collapse, The Way I Am, Like Toy Soldiers, Superman, Sing For The Moment etc) or Slim Shady (Without Me, Real Slim Shady, My Name Is, '97 Bonnie and Clyde, Just Lose It, Ass Like That etc)? Shady.
Favorite Line(s): Classic Shady as he starts the 2nd verse with "Sitting nude in my living room, it's almost noon, I wonder what's on the tube maybe they'll show some boobs, surfin every channel until I find Hannah Montana then, I reach for the aloe and lanolin" shortly followed by "I'm just a hooligan who's used to using hallucinogens".
Scale of 1 (It's Eminem, who are we kidding, there's never been a 1) to 10 (Lose Yourself): Solid 7.

3. My Mom
Shady.
"slut, you need to leave me the f alone I ain't playing, go find you a white crayon and color a f'ing zebra" "Wait a minute, this ain't dinner it's paint thinner" and "I'll do it, pop it gobble it and start wobblin, stumble hobble tumble slip trip then I fall in bed, with a bottle of meds and a Heath Ledger bobble head". Yes he did just go there, which is why he's the king, I give this song an 8.

4. Insane
Shady. This song goes in the "holy crap what is wrong him" file.
"I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah f'd in the head" "took his eye out picked it up and played pang-pong, then he played pang-pong with his own dang-dong" and the way he says "I don't need no help peeing, I'm a big boy I can do it by myself see" and finally "I only get naked when the babysitter tells me, she showed me a movie like Nightmare on Elm Street, but it was X and they called it Pubic Hair on Chelsea, (then his "stepfather" saying ) "well this one's called Ass Rape and we're shooting the jail scene". This song gets a solid 7.

5. Bagpipes From Baghdad
I've been looking forward to this song, let's see if it lives up to the hype.
Wow. Shady. Definitely Shady. This song is retarded. The whole Mariah/Nick Cannon thing is classic Shady, as is the 3rd verse where he speaks of adventures with conjoined twins, there's really no PG-13 way to describe that, just listen for yourself.
"Nick Cannon ya prick I wish ya luck with the f'n whore"
Another solid 7.

So far every song has been very relistenable, with good lines and classic retarded crap. No awesome songs yet though.

I'm gonna take a break for a few minutes, handle some business, and be back soon to listen to the next 5 tracks.