All Hail

5th player all-time with 2,600 hits, 200 HRs and 1000 RBI in his 1st 15 seasons.

First right-handed batter since 1930 with a .310 BA, 2,500 hits and 1,500 runs scored.

A 16-game hitting streak including a 7-game multihit streak.

I really have nothing more to add. All hail The Captain. The team is rolling right now, the swagger is back boys and girls. We're the best team in the world, try to beat us at your own risk.

Oh, and if you want to keep throwing at Teix, no biggie, AJ will just fire a fastball at Cruz's head.

RELAPSE Part 2

And we're back.

6. Hello
Shady, but not really crazy Shady. No real favorite lines, this song is just okay, maybe after a few listens I'll like it more. For now it gets a 5. The catchy tune will help its case in the future. Leads into...

7. Tonya (skit)
Not exactly sure who Tonya is. Unless she's the girl he wanted to say Hello to? I don't know, moving on.

8. Same Song & Dance
Shady. Okay, now the skit makes more sense, as she's just some random chick he carjacked apparently. Which reminds him of when he stalked/kidnapped/raped Lindsay Lohan and then the rebbetzin? The pills are starting to take affect on him, which I guess is the point of the CD.
"She played the little school girl when she first burst up on the scene and it seemed that the world was hers, she twirls and turns and flirts in skirts so bad it hurts", and "I'll share my valium with you cause I'm feeling you Britney" "ever since the school girl juvenile delinquent I've been feeling you". The Britney factor raises it from like a 4 to a 7.

9. We Made You.
Shady. This song has been a little overrated by the "mainstream" because since for most people the fact he mentions celebrities means it must be an awesome song, even if a lot of the jokes are the same ones he's made before just the names have changed. Let's see if my mind has changed on that.
I'm gonna stay on my high horse for this one, sure there are some decent celebrity digs, a nice Britney mention, and it's a catchy little jingle, but this is clearly a song just to get radio airplay, not that there's anything wrong with that, he needs to pay the bills. His albums always tell a story, so far it's been about his dealing with his addictions, his history coming back to haunt and influence him. Then all of the sudden we get the poppy celebrity song. It's a little out of place, and was mainly made to drum up interest from Z100, girls, and nontraditional males.
With all that said, I give it a 6. If anyone else sang it and there was no Britney mention this would easily be a 2. Just like Samantha Ronson. (See what I did there? Like I said, some decent digs.)

10. Medicine Ball
Shady again (noticing a trend, I'm not even gonna bother with that part of the review anymore unless Eminem shows up).
Now this song has better celebrity digs than We Made You, fits better with the album, but wouldn't work too well with the target market We Made You does. Naturally it's a much much much much (one more? I think so) much better song than We Made You. To the lines!
"I guess it's time for you to hate me again, let's begin now hand me the pen, how should I begin it and where does it all end" "I won't rape all the Pussycat Dolls, Nicole you kidding?" "I'll pee on Rihanna see man I do what I wanna, spray perfume in the sauna room crazy gluin Madonna to the Lazy Boy sofa, fold her in two then sit on her, imagine the visual for that man, who would thought I could ever be such a relentless prick unleashing the vengeance but the chick's so old she looks like she out-lived a life sentence" and an awesome line about his lyrical history with Christopher Reeves, "now everybody's pissesd at me like it's my fault his name rhymes with so many different words geez, so one last time" and finally, speaking in Christopher Reeve's robot voice with random inhalations "Eminem I'm coming to kill you, I've always hated you and I still do, you'll never fill my shoes, my Superman costume". This song gets an 8.

11. Paul (skit)
Awesome. Might be my favorite Paul voicemail ever.

Break time. Be back later or tonight with the rest.

RELAPSE!

Oh baby, here we go. Apparently Best Buy is retarded and therefore didn't have the deluxe edition so I had to settle for regular, but the other 2 songs are being downloaded as I type. Also we're gonna keep this PG-13 for all the kids out there. With that said, let the review begin.

First of all, great job on the cover, with the face made out of pills and the label looking like a prescription. Supposedly he's off the pills and is now addicted to Hey Arnold! (forgot where I read this but supposedly he's obsessed with the show now, only good things can come from this, maybe a collaboration with Jerald and Helga G. Pataki). Also, the lyrics are actually printed, well at least most of them, about time Eminem did that. Also a nice touch how all his pills have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor (Dr. Dre of course).

1. The CD starts with a skit called Dr. West. Supposedly, and it does sound like him, this character is played by Dominic West. Yes, that Dominic West. The great Jimmy McNulty from the Wire, who plays some f'd up doctor voice in Em's head telling him there's no big deal if he drinks/pops pills. Which leads into

2. 3AM.
Eminem (Lose Yourself, Till I Collapse, The Way I Am, Like Toy Soldiers, Superman, Sing For The Moment etc) or Slim Shady (Without Me, Real Slim Shady, My Name Is, '97 Bonnie and Clyde, Just Lose It, Ass Like That etc)? Shady.
Favorite Line(s): Classic Shady as he starts the 2nd verse with "Sitting nude in my living room, it's almost noon, I wonder what's on the tube maybe they'll show some boobs, surfin every channel until I find Hannah Montana then, I reach for the aloe and lanolin" shortly followed by "I'm just a hooligan who's used to using hallucinogens".
Scale of 1 (It's Eminem, who are we kidding, there's never been a 1) to 10 (Lose Yourself): Solid 7.

3. My Mom
Shady.
"slut, you need to leave me the f alone I ain't playing, go find you a white crayon and color a f'ing zebra" "Wait a minute, this ain't dinner it's paint thinner" and "I'll do it, pop it gobble it and start wobblin, stumble hobble tumble slip trip then I fall in bed, with a bottle of meds and a Heath Ledger bobble head". Yes he did just go there, which is why he's the king, I give this song an 8.

4. Insane
Shady. This song goes in the "holy crap what is wrong him" file.
"I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah f'd in the head" "took his eye out picked it up and played pang-pong, then he played pang-pong with his own dang-dong" and the way he says "I don't need no help peeing, I'm a big boy I can do it by myself see" and finally "I only get naked when the babysitter tells me, she showed me a movie like Nightmare on Elm Street, but it was X and they called it Pubic Hair on Chelsea, (then his "stepfather" saying ) "well this one's called Ass Rape and we're shooting the jail scene". This song gets a solid 7.

5. Bagpipes From Baghdad
I've been looking forward to this song, let's see if it lives up to the hype.
Wow. Shady. Definitely Shady. This song is retarded. The whole Mariah/Nick Cannon thing is classic Shady, as is the 3rd verse where he speaks of adventures with conjoined twins, there's really no PG-13 way to describe that, just listen for yourself.
"Nick Cannon ya prick I wish ya luck with the f'n whore"
Another solid 7.

So far every song has been very relistenable, with good lines and classic retarded crap. No awesome songs yet though.

I'm gonna take a break for a few minutes, handle some business, and be back soon to listen to the next 5 tracks.

And we're back. Again.

Done with finals, finally finished the Mehl paper, all I have left is Fordham and senior research. So now I have more time to blog! And let's be honest, that's really all that matters in life. So for now enjoy the greatness you see above, I'll be back later today/tonight/tomorrow/never with a) my Yankee thoughts, b) some playoff stuff, c) most importantly, a live Relapse recap as I listen to it since I have it but haven't listened. Yet. and of course d) a gigantic collection of random crap.

How to Fix The Yankees

Step 1: Fire Joe Girardi. He's a horrible manager who thinks he's smarter than everyone else. We never should have hired him in the first place. I don't want Bobby Valentine but I'd be fine with Tony Pena or giving the job to Don Mattingly like we originally should have.

Step 2: Get rid of Hideki Matsui. He sucks. He has sucked for the last few years. His numbers get inflated by 2 hot streaks that last for a combined 3-4 weeks. And the fact that he's a pretty significant reason we don't have Manny DHing doesn't help his case.

Step 3: Move back to Yankee Stadium. The new place is a soulless heartless tourist attraction that depresses me more and more each time I walk in. Not one Yankee fan on the face of the earth would rather be in the "Stadium" than in The Stadium.

If this plan is implemented right away, we'll be in 1st place by the end of the month. Guaran-Dachs-teed.

Urgent YouTube of the Day

The newest brand spanking new feature on the blog

Let's call it, what I'll be thinking about during the Rabbi's speech on Shabbos.

Naturally I'll do what I can to daven in a minyan without a speech, that's just how I roll homies. But the point remains, this will be the official Friday blog, where I preview the weekend in sports and whatever, both what I'll be thinking about what happened Friday night and what I'll be looking forward to Saturday night, Nisht Shabbos Goret of course.


First of all, after a night when we improved to 3-0 when I'm at the new place, the Yankees look to continue to handle their business against the Angels. I'd like to personally thank Mike Scioscia for bringing in Justin Speier in last night, it's not like we destroy him everytime we face him. Pettitte vs my good friend Jered Weaver tonight as we look to stretch our win streak to 4.


Then we get to our double main event. 1st, Celtics-Bulls Game 7. This series has been completely insane, with more OTs than any series in my lifetime. As we all know Game 7s are awesome, hopefully for the Celtics Wade Redden doesn't deflect in the winning shot on their own basket.


And of course, Pacquiao-Hatton. The pound-for-pound king, at least until Mayweather comes back, fighting at a weight heavier than he ever has, going against Ricky Hatton whose trainer, Floyd Mayweather Sr. is absolutely hilarious, and more importantly has supposedly taught Hatton how to be more of a defensive fighter. It's the first big PPV fight of '09, time to get pumped and watch some 24/7.

On to the random predictions for the weekend:

1. D-Wade goes for at least 40 tonight as the Heat win.
2. The Blue Jays win tonight as Halladay pitches one of his gems.
3. Pac-Man by TKO in the 8th.